Monday, October 11, 2010

Thanksgiving: An Important Day, and Also an Opportunity to Post Photos of Adult Movie Covers and Zombies

According to Wikipedia (which is pretty much Google with fewer pictures of naked asses when I search for 'butt load') Thanksgiving is "as annual Canadian holiday to give thanks at the close of the harvest season."

They just harvested your grandma.
I didn't harvest anything this year because I'm lazy, and because my neighbours would probably get pissed off if I started growing corn in the front yard.  Mostly because this is what I'd put up to keep the crows away:

Also effective against anyone who might want to come to my door to "talk to me for a minute."

I am, of course, thankful for my family*.

Fairly accurate, actually.

My immediate family is pretty small, but I have lots of aunts and uncles and cousins.  Almost everyone I'm related to is insane.  Some people have boring families -- I have the least boring family ever.  And somehow, all the genetics and traits of all my ancestors combined to make a whole bunch of really cool (insane) people.  I'm thankful that I'm one of them.

(*Thankfulness does not extend to all members of family.  Null and void for the stupid ones that I don't like.)

I am thankful for my friends.

I'm not implying all my friends are jackasses.  I'm flat-out saying it.  You are all jackasses.

And that's why I like them.  I'm a jackass, too, so I prefer to run with a herd of jackasses.  You guys are all the best jackasses ever.

I'm thankful for my job.

This is not my job, but it has some similarities: There are some dicks, they can be hard (to work with), but it often works out in the end. (Ha ha!  Get it?  The END!!  HA!)

Maybe this is shallow, but I'm thankful for the things I have. 

My car:

Looks just like this, but without some guy in it.  And not parked in front of a church (because of the whole bursting-into-flames thing)

My house:

Like this one, but shitty.

My DVDs:

Right now you're wondering if I'm kidding.  And also if you can borrow them if I'm not.

I'm thankful that I live in a country where I can write a blog featuring photos of pornographic movies.  Where I can call a politician a moron.  Where I can learn and work and live my life without being told that I can't.  Where I never stop before I walk outside and think "I hope I've covered up enough of my body to be allowed out in public."  Or "I hope the place where I work is still standing when I get to it."  Or "I hope I'm still around to come back home later today."  I'm thankful that I live in a place where people get angry when they hear a news story about someone being beaten or bullied for being different.  Where thousands of people will come together and walk along our city's streets to raise money for people who are hurting.  Where they will gather in public and hold signs and yell at the top of their lungs about something they care about, even if it's something I think is complete bullshit.  (And quite frankly, I usually think it's complete bullshit.)  But I'm thankful that there are so many people who care enough about something to tell the rest of us about it.  I'm also thankful for the middle fingers I have on both hands which I can show these people when I drive by them.

So thanks, Thanksgiving, for giving me an opportunity to write this.  It's nice to say thanks for everyone and everything I love having in my life.  You all make me a better person, and I'd hate this world if even one of you wasn't on it.

As of midnight tonight, Thanksgiving will be over.  Which means I can go back to being greedy and thankless, and you can all go screw yourself until next year.


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