Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Men Are Not Bad and I Would Like to Bang The Doctor

I yelled at The News today. I do that between five and one thousand times a week now, because I'm getting old and getting old means you yell at your TV and get a weird hair that grows out of the same place on your face every couple weeks and eventually you get to smell like piss all the time and no one bothers to tell you because fuck it, she's 90 -- she's allowed to smell like piss if she wants to.

(Side bar: Sometimes I yell at commercials for The News because in the commercials they play bits of old news about big stories that happened FUCKING WEEKS AGO but for a second I'm worried that the thing DIDN'T actually happen before and is just happening now, so maybe I foretold the thing that just happened. Then I remember it really did already happen, and I'm not psychic, and I'm glad because I don't think I'd be good at telling people a plane is going to crash into their house next week.)

Today I yelled at The News because The News was talking to some people who were all happy that more women than men are graduating from post-secondary schools. That was Yell #1. Is it a fucking competition now? Is going to school a competition between men and women, and now WOMEN ARE WINNING!!! TAKE THAT, PEOPLE WITH TESTICLES!!!!! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT, WITH YOUR BALLS AND YOUR WIENERS AND YOUR ABILITY TO GROW PERVY MOUSTACHES, BUT NOW WE ARE BETTER THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Shut up. Fuck off. Go away. People are going to school and getting edumacations and jobs and all that stuff that enables them to eat name-brand food. That's great. Please don't turn it into some battle of the sexes bullshit.

Yell #2 came when Some Fuckhead brought up the fact that women still tend to do "women-y" jobs and men tend to do "men-y" jobs. But mostly people who bring that up don't actually give a shit what men do. They're mad because more women aren't firefighters or mechanics or Bull Castration technicians or whatever the fuck. So? SO????? FUCKING SO?????

When I was in high school, my school had an auto mechanics class. Anyone could take it. Even girls. And a few did. I didn't. Know why? Because I didn't fucking feel like it. Not because some big mean man told me I couldn't. Not because no one bothered to tell my stupid girl brain that I was also allowed to take that class. I knew I could take it, and I didn't want to, so I didn't.

Women aren't fucking morons who need to be told that they are allowed to do the same jobs men do. We know that. Some of us do those jobs. Lots of us don't. That's neither a bad nor a good thing. It's just a thing. It's neutral. It's ambivalent. It's not worth getting your panties in a bunch.

On a you-won't-think-it's-related-but-it-kinda-is note, there's been a bunch of pissing and moaning online recently about Doctor Who. If you're not familiar with the show, here's all you need to know for this particular parallel: The Doctor is an alien who has a really long lifespan, and every once in a while he regenerates and looks like a completely different person even though he's the same guy. The actor who's been playing The Doctor the last few years is leaving, so there's going to be a new Doctor. What will he look like? Will he be black? White? One of the many, many ethnicities we have in our world? Who knows. Could be. Doesn't matter to me one bit. What apparently DOES matter to some people is that The Doctor be a woman.


Here's the shallow Melanie-reason why: 87% of the reason I watch Doctor Who is because (so far) he's been played by hot actors who I would like to boink. Nothing against women, but I don't want to boink any of them except for Gillian Anderson because she's Scully and that would be awesome.

The real reason, though? Because The Doctor is a dude. He is a guy. He is a man-alien, and that is OK. IT IS OK FOR SOMEONE TO BE A MAN.

When I hear someone saying women are being held back because we aren't all mechanics or firefighters or Bull Castration Technicians, it pisses me off. We are NOT being held back. The jobs women predominantly do are good jobs. They are important jobs. If we want to do them, then shut up and let us do them. By saying we should be doing "man jobs," you're saying the jobs we're doing aren't good enough. Clearly, we must be doing "man jobs" in order to matter.

When I hear someone saying 'not enough' women are doing jobs men predominantly do, it pisses me off. If more women do these jobs, does that somehow make the jobs more valid than if men are doing them? Are those jobs not worth as much to us right now because they're mainly done by men?

Why does The Doctor need to be played by a woman? Why isn't it good enough that he's a man? Why will making him a woman make him better?

It won't. Doesn't work like that. Doesn't work like that on TV shows, doesn't work like that in real life. Be a woman, and do what you want to do. Be a man, and do what you want to do.

And if you don't like how I feel about it, you may blow me, even though I am not a man, and am technically un-blowable. THAT'S equality, fuckers.