The Comedian recently lost her job. It was Taylor Swift's fault. I know I blame her for a lot of things, but this time, that squinty-eyed weirdo really is the cause of The Comedian's problem. So now, I have to find a new job, or I won't be able to pay for Netflix anymore.
But it turns out writing a resume for OTHER types of jobs when you've only done one thing for all your adult life is, like, hard and stuff. Here's what I have so far.........
123 House with a lot of Spiders Right Now for Some Reason
Objective: To continue to live indoors and eat food
Education: Must have been good, since I didn't finish paying for it until I was 30
Work Experience: Yes
Skills and Abilities: - I talk words good
- Experience being yelled at for no reason by angry people
- Can listen to the same fucking song eight times a day without
- Can speak for up to five minutes at a time without swearing
- Extensive experience pretending I don't think the Kardashians
should all fall in a hole
References: They'd just lie anyway, since they're sick of me asking them to be references, and they just wish I'd get a fucking job already and leave them alone.