Now, let's go through this line by line, shall we? Because I want to call Pat Robertson and the dimwit who wrote this piece of junk arseholes, and I want to take as much time as possible.
"It's that time of year again, when atheists and Satan join forces to wage a war on Christmas."
Interesting Atheist Fact #1: Not only do we not believe in any gods, we don't believe in any satans either, you arseholes.
"Somehow Christmas always survives, usually by the skin of its teeth, but that doesn't mean that the crusaders of modern American Christendom should lay down their weapons."
Funny -- I've been alive for 33 years, and I remember nearly half of them, and I've yet to notice Christmas surviving only "by the skin of its teeth." Christmas seems to be doing OK, actually. Wait -- do you mean the whole "Happy Holidays" thing? That thing where not everyone says "Merry Christmas?" Oh. Good. Please, make that argument again. Make that argument about how what stores put in their ads or what Hallmark puts on their cards somehow makes Christmas cry. How weak is your faith that somebody not calling something what you call it somehow makes it mean less? You can't be very good 'crusaders of modern American Christendom' if two words being replaced by two other words wrecks your day, you arseholes.
"Robertson says, "The Grinch is trying to steal our holiday." The Grinch in question is atheists, and they will not be satisfied until they stamp out happiness itself."
This is true. On behalf of all Atheists, might I just say "SCREW YOU, HAPPINESS!!!! NO ONE LIKES YOU." I hate everything, all the time. I'm even considering having surgery on the nerves in my face so I don't accidentally smile at something some day. Anyone who knows me will know that I never laugh, I have no friends, and I sometimes kick puppies in the face. YOU ARSEHOLES.
"The nation comes together, we sing Christmas carols, we give gifts to each other. We have lighted trees, and it's just a beautiful thing," says Robertson. "Atheists don't like our happiness, they don't want you to be happy, they want you to be miserable! They're miserable, so they want you to be miserable! So they want to steal your holiday away from you."
Just....shut up. Shut up all the time. We are not miserable. We don't want everyone to be miserable. I like Christmas. There's lots of yummy food and presents and I get to spend time with my family and I decorate my house and I EVEN KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO ALL THE SONGS YOU ARSEHOLES.
Buttholes like Pat Robertson and the thing that wrote that article give nice, non-jerkwad Christians a bad name. And MOST Christians are non-jerkwads. It's just too bad that dickheads like these two are the ones we hear from the most.
Merry Christmas :)