Friday, January 6, 2012

I'm Tired But Not Really and TV is Being Stupid

WARNING: I didn't get much sleep last night but I'm not tired and I'm maybe crazy now so if nothing I type here makes sense, go fuck yourself because I don't care what you think.

This is about things I saw on TV today and how stupid they were.

Stupid Thing on TV #1: Life insurance commercial. "If you don't want your loved ones to be burdened by the cost of planting your dead ass in the ground, blah blah blah as little as 7 cents a day, blah blah blargle schmargle fuck kaplooey buy our life insurance you don't have to have a medical or get even one finger put up your bum by a doctor."

Dear My Loved Ones,

Please do not burden yourself by planting my dead ass in the ground. Go ahead and torch me and put my ashes in a little urn or tin or coffee cup or whatever. I won't care, because of how dead I'll be. This will enable me to save as little as 7 cents a day on a stupid life insurance policy that I don't want and even if I did want one, I'd get the one where a doctor put a finger up my bum.

Stupid Thing on TV #2: Sarah McLachlan singing about dead dogs or something.

Dear Sarah McLachlin,

Every time I see you singing about dead dogs or something, I use a black Sharpie to make a little line on a picture of you. Once the picture of you is completely covered in lines, I'm going to go out and kick one puppy for every line. Please shut the fuck up forever.

Stupid Thing on TV #3: Eggie, I think it's called. It's a little round thing that you boil eggs in, because apparently that's too fucking hard for people now.

Dear People Who Buy the Eggie (if that is, in fact, what it's called),

Please die before you have a chance to breed.

Stupid Thing on TV #4: Some message that said I had to press the "Select" button to make my TV go.

Dear TV,

I already pressed one button to make you be on. I should not have to press another button to make you go. Don't be so fucking lazy, TV.

Stupid Thing on TV #5: For a dollar a day, I can feed a kid.

Dear Commercial About That Kid-Thing,

I go to the cheap-ass grocery store that never gets cleaned and where they don't have bags so you have to put your groceries in old banana boxes that probably have Black Widow Spiders in them, but it still costs me waaaaaaaay more than a dollar. Can you tell me which grocery store you shop at so I can go there instead?

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