Monday, March 2, 2009

Anger is Bad. I Guess.

I've been told I have "anger issues." I think I have people-who-should-shut-up-and-mind-their-own-damn-business issues, but I guess they have a point. Sometimes. The following is a write-up of some of the things that make me angry, why those things shouldn't make me angry, and what I should do instead of being angry.

Makes me angry: My dog barking
Why it shouldn't: She's a dog. It's how she talks.
What I should do instead of getting angry: Get her her own apartment.

Makes me angry: Bad drivers.
Why it shouldn't: No matter how loud I swear at them, they can't hear me from their car.
What I should do instead of getting angry: Call the police. Give them the bad driver's licence number. Say they were driving erratically through a school zone, flinging baggies of marijuana onto the playground and firing guns.

Makes me angry: Winter.
Why it shouldn't: It's Canada. Winter is a fact of life. But so is beer.............
What I should do instead of getting angry: Get drunk November 1st. Stay that way until April.

Makes me angry: Nickelback.
Why it shouldn't: It has been scientifically-proven that being angry at Nickelback won't make Nickelback go away.
What I should do instead of getting angry at Nickelback: Go to Scientist School. Become a scientist. Invent and construct a machine that will beam Nickelback to Jupiter. Beam Nickelback to Jupiter.