Monday, March 2, 2009

Anger is Bad. I Guess.

I've been told I have "anger issues." I think I have people-who-should-shut-up-and-mind-their-own-damn-business issues, but I guess they have a point. Sometimes. The following is a write-up of some of the things that make me angry, why those things shouldn't make me angry, and what I should do instead of being angry.

Makes me angry: My dog barking
Why it shouldn't: She's a dog. It's how she talks.
What I should do instead of getting angry: Get her her own apartment.

Makes me angry: Bad drivers.
Why it shouldn't: No matter how loud I swear at them, they can't hear me from their car.
What I should do instead of getting angry: Call the police. Give them the bad driver's licence number. Say they were driving erratically through a school zone, flinging baggies of marijuana onto the playground and firing guns.

Makes me angry: Winter.
Why it shouldn't: It's Canada. Winter is a fact of life. But so is beer.............
What I should do instead of getting angry: Get drunk November 1st. Stay that way until April.

Makes me angry: Nickelback.
Why it shouldn't: It has been scientifically-proven that being angry at Nickelback won't make Nickelback go away.
What I should do instead of getting angry at Nickelback: Go to Scientist School. Become a scientist. Invent and construct a machine that will beam Nickelback to Jupiter. Beam Nickelback to Jupiter.


Anonymous said...

Can you beam Creed and Theory of a Dead Man there wile you're at it?



Sparky Thought said...

I, personally, would like to keep Creed, but could you beam the Tragically Hip away? Thanks, that would be great.

TV Gord said...

You funny. You veddy funny.

Nickelback doesn't register a flicker on my annoy-o-meter, although I would like to beam out of here the CTV stooge who scheduled that "This program brought to you by Nickelback's latest shit sandwich" promo at the end of every commercial break. I've seen that enough, thank you.

To reierate. You funny.

Being the Comedian said...

Theory of a Dead Man is going with Nickelback. Creed can stay. I will compromise on the Tragically Hip, and send them to Guam.

Gord, I will personally come to your home and mute your TV for you whenever that promo comes on.